Monday, June 30, 2008

Enjoying an outing.....

For the past 1 year and 6 months, I will just stay at home looking after my precious little one. We seldom leave the house during weekdays. We will just stay at home, playing with indoor toys and books. Or sometimes, (I try to make it twice a week) I will bring Grace down for a swim in the swimming.

From very young, Grace shows great excitement whenever she gets to go "kai kai" (baby terms for going out). Be it to the park near my parent's house or just downstairs to the pool side.

I will usually look forward to weekends and public holidays when my hubby is around to bring her to the shopping mall. Two is always better than one in looking after a very active little girl.

I really could see that sometimes Grace gets a little bored at home. So, I have decided to bring her out even on weekdays. Once a week. Just to let the two of us have fun out of the house! Have started this norm for a few weeks already and I can see that Grace enjoyed it.

Today, I brought her to Queensbay Mall, our favourite destination because (1) it's near to our house and (2) there's this kiddy amusement centre there where Grace enjoyed going.

We went to Borders first. Have fun browsing through the books and also to note
for bargain books to buy for Grace. The bargain books are added weekly, so I get to browse new books every week. Got a few goods books there.

Then we went to the amusement centre. Both mother and daughter enjoyed the "driving" and throwing balls at the crocodile game.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Heartiest Kiss of All!

From very young, Grace has already learn to "sayang" or kiss someone if you ask her to. But recently, when you asked her to do so, she will just playfully reject and laugh. Think she's just mischevious.

Today, she's been very sticky to me (like super glue-real powerful one). At night, my hubby, Grace and me were sitting in the living room drawing. Then the little one told me (by using sign language, at least we can understand) she wants to go into the room and sleep and off course "nen nen" (means drink milk; I'm still breastfeeding her).

In the room, I get her ready for bed like usual. Giving her a bath and change her into pyjamas. As usual, she refuses to end the shower and don't want her dad to carry her. So she cried and cried and cried. Can't get her to stop and can't get her to wear her clothes.

We got angry with her and scolded her a bit. While I am feeding her, we continue lecturing her.

Then, Grace stop drinking milk and called me, "Mee ah" (mummy in short). I asked her why. She keep on calling me. So I draw myself nearer to her and to my surprise, she kissed me. My eyes were filled with tears as soon as she kissed me. After kissing me, she turn over to kiss her daddy. Wow....this is the heartiest kiss of all. She knows that she's acting too much and wanted to apologize to us. How sweet!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Journey to motherhood......continued

**the labor**

As I am sitting back, waiting for the new arrival, hubby and I thought of a very important matter. Whether to send our baby to a baby-sitter or to take care of her myself. We don't want to tie down our parents by sending our baby to them. We seriously thought about it and finally decided for me to resign from my position and take up the new challenge (it is really challenging) of raising my precious little one.

My expected due date was Dec 10, 2006. So, I tender my resignation during end of October. Our plan was to serve my 1-month notice and settle all work issues till end of November, then 2 weeks time for me to relax and prepare myself, physically and emotionally, for the labor. Well, like I said earlier, everything is in God's mighty hands. Things are not as planned.....

Towards the end of my pregnancy, around week 35, Dr. started to change the appointment frequency to weekly. So as to ensure that everything's fine for that big day and to check if there's an early arrival. As the visit is so frequent, I would just take the morning half off then continue working in the afternoon.

My appointment dates (dd/mm/yy) are 9/11/06 (everything's ok with the baby); 16/11/06(same thing, both mommy and baby is in good condition) then 23/11/06. During this visit, my gynae did a check to see if my cervix has dilated. To our surprise, YES it had, by 2cm (normally, need to be dilate at least 10cm to be able to give birth). No contraction at all? Oh heart pound as quickly as it can. To top up the excitement, I was bleeding after the little check by my gynae. Then, multiplied by a comment by my Dr. "I'll just put down your next appointment on 30/11/06, but you will surely deliver before the date!" Oh my, oh my.....

What should I do now? Guess, I still need to drive back home right? But, how about work? I don't think I should be in the office now. I should be at home, resting and concentrating on any sign of early delivery. So, I drove right back home, calling my hubby on the way home.

Below I pen down how the others know about this news and their reaction:

  1. Mom-in-law ~~ When I was still at the clinic (this visit seems a little longer than usual), about to leave, my mom-in-law called me to see if everything's ok. I wanted my hubby to be the first to know, plus I don't want to panic her so soon, so I told her everything is just alright (but with a little tremble voice). As soon as I reach home, I told her the news. She's, off course, excited and told me that she suspected something I sounded different on the phone. Then, off course when friends called up, she broke the news to them.

  2. My parents (especially my mom) ~~ After I called my hubby, I called up my mom. Told her the news. Off course, she's excited but she's also panic. She mentioned that my cousin's wife delivers a few hours after first "bloody show". And so on and so forth.....I am asked to be extra careful and alert on any other signs of early childbirth. The very next day, my parents drove up from Taiping (a town about 1 hour from Penang), just to standby (my mom-in-law had an accident earlier and broke her arm).

  3. Co-workers ~~ I have this habit of calling my co-workers every time after my check-up, while driving back to office, to check on the lunch location so that I may join them for lunch. Off course, on 23/11/06, I never called up. When I was back online in the afternoon (after lunch time), they all asked the same thing, "So, when are you going to deliver?" I talked to my boss on my condition and we agreed that I will work from home until the deliver day arrives. Auditors (I was dealing with year-end audit at that time) and my successor quickly arrange time with me to close-up on issues and knowledge pass down. Was quite busy on that day (23/11/06, a thursday) and friday.

So, it was then, a slow, slow wait for the BIG day to finally arrive. Thursday passed by. Nothing happen. Friday also flew pass us. Still, nothing happen. No contraction. No more "bloody show". Everything is back to normal. As normal as it can be.

Friday went pass us and its Saturday. As my mom-in-law had a broken arm, we hired an hourly maid to help up with spring cleaning. You must be thinking why on earth need to spring clean? Well, my mom-in-law is getting ready for the 2 coming big events! One is the birth of her 3rd grandchild and two, the wedding day of her second son in december. So the maid came and does all the cleaning with my mom's help. Off course, I just sit there. Can't help much. My hubby was not at home, he had a whole-day training that day. But, I have my "kepo" (means busy body, just joking) sister accompany me (I can't remember why she's there...hehehe).

Another day went by, and there's still no sign at all. Night came. Strange. I just can't put myself to sleep. No pain. No discomfort. Very strange. Like every other nights, I have to go to the toilet very often. At about midnight, there's this urge to go again. But just as I was sitting on the toilet bowl, some water gushes out. Oh water bag is leaking! I quickly get back to my room and wake my hubby up. We then wake my mom-in-law up and get ready to go to the hospital.

I have learnt from many sources that first childbirth will normally take a few hours. Many have given advice that once there's any signs of labor, keep calm and should eat something, so as to gain energy that is much needed during the labor process. Well, knowledge is one thing, and real life situation is another.

We were so so so excited and nervous. What if the baby comes right out? So, without much delay, we head off to the hospital. Once there, I walked into the emergency room and was then wheeled to the labor ward. My husband was sent to settle the hospitalisation procedure. And as for me, I was whisked to change into ward clothing and then on the bed, with straps around my big big belly. These straps are for monitoring the baby's heartbeat.

The midwife came, ask me some questions, then check if my cervix has dilated further. Nope. Still 2cm. Midwife says nothing we can do now, just wait till morning. So, I was left alone in that room (in the labor ward but not the labor room), waiting for more signs to come.

As I was lying there all alone, slowly I started to feel some contractions, but very mild ones. The heartbeat monitoring machine is loud, making me more nervous. The time seems to pass very slowly. I began praying for God to calm me down and to be with me throughout the whole process.

Hubby settled the procedures and got a private room (for me to stay in later). Came to talk to me for a while and then hushed by the nurses to the other room. Again I am alone. I started to feel a little bit hungry. Oh I asked the nurses if I could get something to eat. The answer....nope (just in case I need to go into operation later). A small cup of milo is all I get

At about 6am, the midwife came again. Checked and it's still 2cm. No choice, have to wait some more. At about 9am, my gynae came. Also did a check. Still 2cm. What is wrong with this cervix?? As my water bag is already broken, there's a need to go into labor real soon (if not mistaken by 24hours), to ensure that the baby is not vulnerable to infections. So, Dr. suggested an Induction and I was then put on drip.

Well, well, well. If there's only slight contractions earlier while I was waiting, now it's like ten (or even more) times the pain. The pain is not there all the time. It will increase when there's contraction, then cool off a little and then come again. This is painful! Doctor says, we will wait 2 hours.

Dr. did not come exactly 2 hours later. He came in at about noon. Checked and has dilated a little more (I can't remember how much already). Still have to wait. During the 2 hours, the pain became a little unbearable, so I took a shot of Pethidine. It really helps in reducing the pain.

Later in the afternoon, the Dr. came again. But still, cervix has not dilate enough. So have to wait. Argh...another 2 hours to wait. Before the Dr. came, I was busy calling a friend of mine, whom wedding is on the same. When, the Dr. saw that I can still make phones calls, he commented, "Hmm....still so relax. Can increase the dosage of induction." And so be it. The dosage is increased and the PAIN......UNBEARABLE.

This time, everytime when there's contraction, besides the pain, there's this urge to push. But I still can't push!!! Argh......

2 hours and 2 hours....I don't really remember how many times the Dr. check on my cervix. The Dr. did a last check around 10minutes to 6pm. This time, dilated to 8cm. Almost there....but the baby's head is too high up. I was asked to try to push. Pushed and couldn't make it. So, it was then decided to have a cesarean section. I was given something to sign (but the signature is crooked cause I'm in pain), then pushed to the operation theatre.

Once there, I was given regional anesthesia (I think this is what they call it; it's for pain relief from waist onwards). Wow...the pain relief works almost immediately. I am so sure because I was suffering from a contraction pain when I am given the shot. Immediately the pain is gone!

I can't see what's the doctor doing, but I can hear their surprised exclamation. The doctor and the nurses all say "Wow" when they see my baby. Because, she's such a big baby. Tell you the size later. When they carry the baby out, someone beside me told me that the baby is coming out. So I looked to my right, and there she is. I can't see really clear, cause I don't have my glasses with me. The medical staff gave a slap on the buttock, so she cried, but for a few seconds only. So, the medical staff gave her another few hit, and she continue crying. A nurse carry her to me and let me kiss my little one for the first time.

So, this is how Grace Chee Jia Yun came to the world. She was born on November 26, 2006 at 6.38pm in Adventist Hospital, Penang with a birth weight of 3.93kg (8lbs 10oz), measuring at 54cm and head circumference of 35cm.

Journey to motherhood....

**the pregnancy**

Hurray..hurray....I'm pregnant. First thing that we did was book a time with a gynaecologist. We went to Aventist Hospital and made an appointment with Dr. KT Ng. Our appointment was for 2 months later.

In the mean time waiting for our appointment to arrive, we go on with our lives. We only told our family members that I'm pregnant. Both moms, (my mom and mother in law) was very happy to hear that news. At work, only 2 of my co-workers knew about this news, Amy and May Huay. As they are experienced mothers, so seeking advice from them ;-)

I kept on having this crampy feeling in my abdomen, and the past event came back to haunt me. I was so scared. How little faith I have then. Sigh....

I told my 2 co-workers and the suggest me to visit the gynae to just ensure everything is fine. But my appointment was not until 2 months later. So, I visited another gynae, the one that I went to during my first pregnancy. Did a check and told me that the fetus is normal at this moment. But due to my past records, could only confirm after 2 weeks when we see the heartbeat. If we were to calculate based on my menstrual cycle, the fetus should be 6 weeks old then. He also mentioned that it could be an Ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy in the Fallopian tube). I was dumbed!

So, for the next 2 weeks I work from home, to minimize my movement. But we were still unsure and sacred. So I went to another gynae to get things comfirmed. The doctor did a scan, then I saw this little bean like thing, and it's pounding!
I ask the doctor, is that the heartbeat. She says "YES". relieved I am. (should have scan this earlier~ now it's a little blur)

And, so the little fetus continue to grow every day and every week. Our appointment with Dr. Ng finally came and we for the first time, saw our little baby. My hubby was so happy and excited
to see the baby, as if waving to us.
Every morning, while driving to work, I will pray to God , thanking Him for this precious gift and praying for a save pregnancy as well as labor. Then, I will talk to the little baby within me. I will talk on how great our God is, how He created the universe, and teach her to fear the Lord our God. Then, I will sing a few songs for her. Favourite tunes are, Jesus Loves Me this I know,Jesus Loves The Little Children, 云上太阳, 今我有快乐 and many more. While after work, I will talk to her on how the day go on for me.

It's just how amazing things are. The feeling of the little baby moves within me, it's just great and amazing. Sometimes, there's no movement for quite awhile. But when I talk to her, asking her to give me some kicks, she will just do it!

On our second visit to the Dr., we were so eager to know whether it's a girl or boy. Then the doctor said that, he's only 85% sure that it's a girl. From then on, the shopping begins.

I still remember how many things I bought to get ready for this arrival. Bottles (though I never really use it later on), clothes, dresses, nappies, baby cot, mattress and lots and lots more.

There's this one day, I was talking to my hubby on how amazing the growing process of a baby is. From the unite of 2 cells, it grow every moment and every day, until a human is formed. How amazing is God's creation! Then it came upon us to name our little girl, Grace.

Everything went on smoothly for me during the pregnancy. Not much morning sickness, just little discomfort. Even got reserved carpark at work. But, my tummy was extremely big, so is my size....paiseh....Too bad, I did not have much photos taken during then. Just too fat to appear in photos...hehehe...

It's just then, sit back and wait for the new be continued.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

How it all began

I still remember my first (well, sort of) pregnancy in March 2003. It caught us by surprise as we do not plan to have children until 2 years later (we were married in July 2002). Though shocked, we were very happy to be gifted. Immediately we made appointment with a gynaecologist to have myself checked. We went to see the gynae and everything was ok. As it was still very early stage of pregnancy, we could yet to see the heartbeat of the fetus.

Two weeks later, everything came tumbling down. I was as usual working in office that morning, then I felt some pain in my tummy. Went to toilet and I was bleeding. I was shocked and scared, started crying as I knew something is not right. I immediately call my hubby and then went straight to the gynaecologist clinic. The doctor did a scan and then double check with a vaginal scan, then confirmed that the fetus is not normal and there's no heartbeat. There's no other choice but to take the fetus away. I cried and cried and cried.

A year and a half later, hubby and I started our family planning. I counted on my ovulation cycle and was hoping every month to be pregnant. But there's only disapointment month after month. I became very stressed and lost. Even feel left out from my co-workers whom are mothers or are pregnant themselves. Their topics during lunch time or anytime at all, are kids, prengnacy. Sigh...

My hubby and I even went for numerous vacations, just to get ourselves relax. But still there's no sign of pregnancy.

Things are all really in the hands of the Almighty God above. After months of frustration, we finally learnt that there's time in everything. God will have His own plan for us. So, we go on with our lives and was less consious on the every month cycle.

Then, in March 2006, there's a delay in my menstrual cycle again. This time, I take it easy, thinking that it's just another delay. After a week, I still take it easy. One day, I was staying late in office with my co-worker, Amy, and was MSN-ing with her, I mentioned that I have a delay this month. Immediately, she encourage me to do a pregnancy test. She even offered me the test kit as she has in her working bag. (she just bought some from e-bay and still have it in her bag) As I am afraid of disappointment again, I told her never mind. I will just wait a few more days.

An encouragement from a co-worker, I start to feel the itch to "do the test". So, the next morning, while getting ready to work. I did it. My heart pound quickly as I watch the urine past through the indicator on the kit. Nothing happen. My first reaction was, "cheh...another delay for nothing". Then as I was about to tidy up the kit, there's this very very light coloured line in the "T" section ( a pregnancy test ki
t there's two lines, 1 is the control line-to tell you if the test is valid and 2 the test line-to tell you if it's positive). "Oh....dear, am I really pregnant?" I am on one hand very happy, but on the other hand, unsure of the result. As the T line as compared to the C line is much lighter.

At work, I immediately told Amy about the test result. She told me, it should be positive and suggested to I buy another test kit to confirm. We went to Tesco for lunch that day, so managed to get another kit. Did the test the next day and it's POSITIVE. Hurray......

A precious gift from GOD

**This is a write-up of my testimony during Parent's Day (joint celebration of Mother and Father's day) Sunday Service at my church in June 2007**

This year's Parent's Day (both mother' and father's day) is extremely special to Moses (my hubby) and I. We not only celebrate it as children to our parents, but also as parents to Grace-佳韵 (our little precious).

Since becoming a parent myself, I came to understand more and am more greatful to my parents for their love and care towards me. From the very start of pregnancy, the uncomfortable feeling during pregnancy, the excitement of waiting, the pain during labour, the changes in lifestyle after the baby is born and sacrifices made. Twenty nine years of giving in and support

During this Parent's Day, I want to give thanks to my Father above for giving me such loving parents and mother in law. Not only that, He also guided me in every way of my life and keep on shower me with His many blessings

Only my family members and a few closed friends knew about my first (well, sort of) pregnancy and then the miscarriage in March 2003. During then, I only have the joy of being pregnant for about 2 weeks and then all is gone. There's no heart beat. Back then, I kept asking God why? Why? Why? Why had He given me the child then take it away? As time goes by, I began to put this incident to the past but deep down inside my heart, I am not spiritually healed.

A year and a half later, hubby and I started to put action into our plan for a baby. But no matter how hard we tried, there's still no good news. I became very anxious and stressed every time of the month. Beg God for His mercy on how little faith I have in Him. I started to question God again and to a certain extend blaming Him. The past incident came back to haunt me.

Our dear God is a merciful God, through 2 seperate message from Pastor Hong Mei Yu, one from Psalm 23 another from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, I was hit in the face. I realized how little faith and trust I have in God. I started to think and realized that God is teaching me. Teaching me to trust in Him whole heartedly. He also wants me to be rejoice at all times and pray to Him. He wants me to learn that He has His timing in everything. My prayer started to change from "God I want a baby, please give me a baby" to telling God my heart's desire and ask God to provide at His time and based on His plans for me.

At the same time when I was hoping for a child, God did not forsake me. He keeps on giving marvelous opportunities for promotion in my career and a lifetime chance of travelling to India FOC. Then, when He thinks the timing is right, He gave me the precious gift in March 2006. I still remember the shock and surprise when I found out that I am pregnant, the first time I saw the heartbeat!

Really give thanks to God, He guided me through out the pregnancy, though my tummy was extremely big, I have very minimal morning sickness and little uncomfortable. He also leads me through a safe labour experience (will talk more on this in my other post).

It is still a long way to go in raising this precious little one. In this journey, I will need my parents, mother in law, and most of all my Father above to guide me and teach me. I will hold on to His hands forever because I know and believe, His blessing is for a lifetime.

"1The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,3he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." ~ Psalm 23

"16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Getting started on blog

I'm kind of a conservative internet user in the beginning. Just using the internet for emails and browsing for information and resources, especially low air fares and handicraft for my church children, then fullstop. It took me few weeks to just decide to have a Facebook account.

I now have an account on Facebook (my first breakthrough) to share with friends photos of my vacation, my little princess and for networking. Aren't that enough? How about other things, like my feelings and experience as a mother? How do I share it with my friends? Well, I've seen lots and lots and lots of blogs by now and kept on hesitating on whether to start a blog of my own.

After much hesitation and consideration, here it is, my brand new personal blog to share on the excitement, frustration and joy of motherhood.